well i have to say something on my birthday! today was an awesome day at the CARP center. i had a personal sharing time and ms. anne marie gave me the beest news of my life! that i can see Ken for a day. what more could I want. lolz she told me at my little celebration thing and i started crying. anyways I always miss and love my hunnie.

Today is nathalie's birthday too so we both got to celebrate together. shes such a sweetie

Things at the CARP center are very chill. Its pretty nice. not so much hard work but still good.  

im gonna update this thing! True father is coming to capitol hill and ive been chosen to be a specisl person to help out with it. we have a pretty chill team here which is nice. christina, judith, sunny, carl, nathalie, chris olsen, jessica turconi, and other 2nd gens that periodically come in to help here and there. they put me and sunny as central figures... heh. were both trying though. anyways its a lot of detailed work on my part. but my spiritual life is definatlely gettting better. were working with the best american guys in the movement! literally, yesterday we got this crazy speech from Rev. Jenkins, just 9 of us. so yup.yup.

the hard thing is not being able to be with Ken. I miss you hunnie. Maybe the other stf blessed couples understand but not having your other half is not having a part of yourself. But Mr. Dickson our leader keeps telling me its good indemnity and i know it is. thats about it.

alright I think I need to update... its only been a few months. =)

I'll  say how I've been feeling about things lately.For the past 3 months I was in Philadelphia CARP and I have to say that was DIFFICULT. There were so many challenges for everyone at the center and I dont know how succesful we were. But, after the Colorado wkshp I was transferred to Maryland. Gosh, the switch was THE biggest struggle ever I've had to overcome. There was such an unaccomplished feeling from Philadelphia and I couldnt resolve my issues towards so many things. The hardest part was separating from Ken.

Anyways, Now i am in Maryland and im trying to make the best of things. 2nd year is not easy but i know that the challenges im facing now can only help me later on. I had an unexpected but great day today because Ken came and hes staying for the night. Some technical problems but I think God had pity on me. heh I had to write something to mark today. Sometimes I can't see the reason why God gives me the challenges he does but even though I cant see the bigger picture He can, and I only hope that I can have the right attitude in times of hardship. Today, i can see how God works and the sweetness of His love. But, I feel bad because only when things make me happy do i stop and thank God who is always out there crying my tears and smiling my smile.

Its funny but i cant imagine my life without my other half. Hes been the person I turn to for everything and its been so difficult without him. But today, being able to see my husbands face has warmed my heart, and made me forget my problems... for a day. I love you baby. I'll try my best to keep a better spirit. lastly i want to thank all the brothers and sisters at Maryland CARP. Everyone brings something special to the team and i feel the love. Thanx guys

okay... im sorry for the misinfomation on my sight! my parents are refusing to let me go back to berkeley. i miss everyone! if anyones been home for too long they know how i feel but i NEED to do my mission. i swear an inspiration from God came through Liz Bonini and shes like y dont you just come to phili and join them... so im off to phili. i talked it over with people and i get to witness finally.  im packed ready and waiting for 9pm oclock when my trusty greyhound will take me there.

the only hard part is im used to my 10,000 hours of sleep and now i only get 5 or 6. wwhhaa.

soon i will be going back to stf...i think my knees are finally on there way to getting healed which is nice. i have taken desperate measures in trying to fix my knees. i had about 120 needle pricks into my skin. anyone ever seen the needle used for acupuncture? well the needle they used on me was thicker and this doctor poked the  crap out of my knees and withdrew bad blood. u know when you cut yourself and you have blood come out? well the blood that came out of my knees was a dark red color (not good) and the blood looked a little like jello. anyways the point of all this pain is to have good blood circulate around my knees and heal it.

EAT WELL!!! what the doctor said it came down to was that. diet affects your body more than we know and stf hasnt been known to eat the best food which ruins your body.

on a different note ive been thinking about the blessing. from older 2nd gens ive heard that it can be literal hell being married to someone. it doesnt matter who you are, how great your personality is, nothing. so many blessing of our older onnis and oppas have failed. none of them wanted that or planned it that way but it happened. how can that change?  i dont understand the difficulty of the blessing yet. honestly for me its been the best experience. but its made me think. i pray and hope that the matchings and blessings that have happened recently and will continue to happen can be better. u know what im saying?